Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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