I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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