I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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