I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
