I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
