I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize