i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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