he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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