He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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