my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
