Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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