I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
