In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
