So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
