How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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