Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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