White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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