You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
