dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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