It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
