we're blogging at a bar
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
