went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
