i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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