Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
