Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
