Dude my mom stole all your condoms
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You pole danced in your parka.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
