did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
