I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
