I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
