If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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