i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
