4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
