im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize