I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
