making cat noises will not fix the situation.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize