No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
