it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
