Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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