question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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