dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
