Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
