3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
