i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
