I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize