First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
