I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize