my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
