I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
