I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize