Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
