Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she looked like the before picture.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
