Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
