went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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