Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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