i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
