Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
