Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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