Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
