i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is my gift to your gina
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
