Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
