lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I want is dick and wine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
