I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
