found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
