waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
tell me about the fingering
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