i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
