For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
